A Little Rant

Same-sex marriage. Let’s talk about it.

I’ve heard every dumb argument (sorry) opposing. I’ve heard every good and bad argument in favor:

  • It isn’t a choice!
  • Evidence shows that sexuality is biologically based!
  • Everyone should have the legal benefits of marriage!
  • There are so many kids who need to be adopted – same-sex parents could provide a loving home to those kids!
  • It won’t affect your life at all!

Wait… Hold on… Let me say that one again… It won’t affect your life at all.


It’s a pretty common argument in favor of same-sex marriage. I’ve heard it a lot and I’ve probably said it before: “It has no influence on your life whatsoever. If same sex marriage is legalized, how will it change the way you choose to live? It won’t!”

But here’s the thing: It should. I hope it does. 

I hope that the legalization of same-sex marriage will make you more understanding and open-hearted.

I hope it will make future generations more loving – I want those kids to look back and think, “WHAT?! People weren’t allowed to marry whom (<< the leaders of tomorrow have great grammar) they wanted to marry? WHAT?! You all were dumbasses…”

I hope it makes you a little bit prouder of this country and its government.

I want it to bring more love into our communities. I want you to feel more love and see more love (was gonna say taste more love but it felt inappropriate).

It should change the issues we focus on. Why, in 2014, are we still fighting over issues of equality?! People are people, for fuck’s sake. Let’s make it official and move on to bigger and more important things like mental health or poverty or equitable education.

When (not “if”) marriage is legal all over the country for any two consenting adults, regardless of sex or sexuality, I hope your life is different.  I hope it has an impact on your life.  I hope it affects you.

Really truly, I do.

So there.


  1. Absolutely true.

    When I was a kid so-called ‘mixed marriages’ (black & white) were still taboo in much of the country, hard to believe. Now that is gone from the minds of everyone but die-hard racists.

    So too have I seen SO MUCH progress since the few gay friends I knew growing up suffered constant abuse and harassment … but it is disheartening to me how vocal and violent the homophobic minority is as it clings to archaic ideas.

    • carlyjg says:

      YES! There has been so much progress even in my lifetime, I truly hope that my future kids can grow up being whomever they want to be!

  2. Amen. I get so frustrated with people (especially Christians — I am one, but that doesn’t mean I’m rude) who say that same sex marriage is wrong or a sin. So is divorce!
    I loved this post :)

    • carlyjg says:

      There are so many things that the Bible declares a “sin.” Why the focus on same sex marriage? Thanks for your comment :).

  3. I live in PA and only recently was our same sex marriage ban overturned. I definitely feel more proud to live in PA. You’re right, it’s WHEN not IF it’s legal in the whole country. Simply put, people who are against it should be extremely humiliated. They are on the wrong side of history. And they are just WRONG. The country as a whole should not be dictated by someone’s religious beliefs,

    • carlyjg says:

      Wahoo! Congrats to PA! That’s awesome. I couldn’t agree more that even though some people might be against same-sex marriage on a personal level, those beliefs should NOT be put on the rest of the country.

  4. I love you. The blogosphere seems to be very right-wing to me, and you’re a breath of fresh air.

  5. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – one of the things I’m proudest of Canada for is having the right to same-sex marriage. Generally speaking, we look back at things like interracial marriage being a problem and wonder what the hell was wrong with people for thinking that it was an issue. I know that eventually, people will look back at this issue and wonder the same thing.

    • carlyjg says:

      That’s so amazing that your entire country has legalized same-sex marriage. It’s such a hot button issue over here… STILL! I really hope that we can look back and see the absurdity in it all… hopefully sooner rather than later.

  6. angelika says:

    I agree with you INFINITY percent! (That’s a lot by the way.)

    The other thing I always tell people is when the govt starts telling people who they can and cannot marry we have entered into dangerous territory where ALL of people’s personal liberties are at stake. Its not JUST about gay marriage it is about the govt staying out of law abiding people’s personal business and not shrouding the law in religious agenda.

    Oh wait. Apparently the SCOTUS didn’t get that memo. 😐

    • carlyjg says:

      Only infinity percent? Geez, if only I had your full support ;).

      AMAZING POINT! YES YES YES! If the government can take away peoples’ right to marry, what’s next? What else will they take away? (Probably women’s right to birth control… Thanks, Supreme Court.)

  7. The world needs less dumb people and more people who have a mindset like yours! Another post in which I agree to everything you say :)

  8. Fiona MacDonald says:

    Can I get an AMEN!!!!!

  9. Beautifully said. (Written?)

    I get stabby when people argue that same sex marriage is/will…. lol… I can’t even write it’s just so WRONG….
    when people argue that same-sex marriage erodes family values. I mean!

    Unable. To. Can.

    • carlyjg says:

      Two loving, hard-working, intelligent, parents raising a child is great. But throw an extra penis into the mix and those values erode reeaaaal quick. Ugh.

  10. Well put Pumpkin!!

  11. You are my favourite. Perfectly put!

  12. This is so well put, I love it. And you.

  13. Omg seriously. It drives me nuts but when I vote I don’t even get a chance to look at foreign policy, economic policy, etc. because first I need to vote for someone who won’t fuck with basic rights and its insane that its even an issue.

    • carlyjg says:

      I can’t even tell you how much I love this comment. It’s such a wonderful perspective that I never really thought of! Wonderful. Thanks so much for your input.

  14. imagypsylady says:

    This THIS is one of my “button” items! (Along with racism and the mentally disabled) why in the world does ANYBODY have a right to tell anybody who to love? My brother in law and I got into a HUGE screaming fight on Easter about this… It ended with him being banished from my house for eternity (with Jim’s blessing)

    • carlyjg says:

      HAHAHAHAHA omg that’s awesome. You’re awesome.

    • See this is what I mean about people thinking you have to believe what they believe. If her brother in law doesn’t think that it’s right to live that way, then he has that right to say so. Just because imagypsylady thinks its okay doesn’t mean everyone has to feel that way. And if he is banned from her house for eternity then what does that solve except a waste of time you have left with your family, which should be more important.

      • imagypsylady says:

        My problem isn’t with his beliefs. (Well it is – I do disagree with them) my problem is with the fact that he came into my home (my safe haven) and felt the need to tell me (who by the way is married to his brother – aka not gay) that gay is wrong and all gay people should be sent to another planet so they can die… Knowing full well that a great majority of my friends are gay. We can disagree and agree to disagree (my sister’s religious beliefs say that gay is wrong – she and I have discussed it and what we have come up with is I will not talk to her children about my beliefs until they’re old enough to ask my opinion) and be just fine. But just as he doesn’t want my opinion forced upon him I don’t want his thrust upon me. And although I disagree with your beliefs I don’t think you are stupid or dumb, I think we have differing opinions. And yes it’s still a button item for me :-/ but religious belief is where I won’t cross the line

        • I understand how you feel about rude comments like he made to you. I have gay friends and I would never say mean things to them or about them. Even though I don’t agree with their lifestyle, doesn’t mean I would tell them they can’t live that way. My problem is with people that tell you that you have to except it and change how you feel about it. I’m sorry you have to deal with someone that obviously is doing that very thing.

  15. Okay, I know I am going to get jumped on here, but if God says that being gay is wrong then I think so too. BUT, before everyone lets me have it, I want to say that I have had gay friends and worked with several who I really care about. I’m not saying that I hate gays because I don’t. Everyone thinks that if you don’t approve of it then you are a hater, but I don’t hate anyone. I just think that if you act on those feelings then that is a sin, because God says it is. I’m not saying that everyone has to believe what I believe. I am a Christian and I believe the Bible. But what really makes me mad is that I have a reason for believing what I believe and I’m not trying to change how everyone else believes, so why hate on me and others who have the same belief that I do. So far in this blog, I have been called dumb and told I should be humiliated. Is that right? People can live however they want, but they shouldn’t say that I have to believe what they do.

    • carlyjg says:

      Thanks for your point of view, Nina. I’m really sorry you felt attacked/humiliated, since that definitely wasn’t my intention! When I said that arguments against same-sex marriage are “dumb,” I definitely didn’t mean that peoples’ personal beliefs are dumb. Rather, I meant that I don’t believe that religion is an adequate argument against same-sex marriage because we are supposed to have a separation between church and state in this country. So yes, while in my opinion religion is a “dumb” argument against same-sex marriage on a political scale, it is a very valid argument against it on a personal level (hope I’m making some sense…). I think it’s great that you have your own point of view that you stick to — I just don’t think that point of view, which is based on your personal religious beliefs, should be placed on other Americans who might not have those same beliefs. I think it’s wonderful that you’re able to hold your own beliefs so dearly but still have the perspective to know that not everyone feels the same way. Thanks again for your comment!

  16. Although I disagree with you, I still love you. And I think there needs to be more understanding from both sides in all regards.

    I strongly believe in the marriage God has established-between man and woman– and “while many governments and well-meaning individuals have redefined marriage, the Lord has not.” That’s my stance and MY belief. “Changes in the civil law do not, indeed cannot change the moral law that God has established.”

    BUT that does not mean I treat people who choose to not see it that way any differently. I have many friends who do not agree with me, but they are still my friends and I respect them & their wishes. I personally think it’s sad that in our society we can’t be kind even if we disagree on subjects close to the heart.

    So while I respect you as a friend and love reading your thoughts, I disagree with making gay marriage legal. It is my personal belief that church and state should be kept separate….which is exactly why our country was founded, to have that freedom from govt ruling everything (including, and especially, marriage, since it was ordained specifically from God for man & woman).

    Sharing my beliefs on my blog and with others is not always popular, but that’s okay, because I’m not worried what other people think. :) I’m proud of you, Carly, for sharing your beliefs too!

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