Saying “I’m sorry” is incredibly hard. Even if you do manage to get those two words out, it’s even harder to stop yourself from adding on the “…but you were being an asshole” justification. Fight the urge, friends. Fight it.
The generic brand tastes exactly the same 85% of the time. The other 15% of the time includes Oreos, sugary cereal, and ice cream. And yes, I’m sort of inadvertently implying that 15% of my diet consists of Oreos, sugary cereal, and ice cream.
Forgiveness is easy when someone else did something wrong. Forgiveness is hard when you did something wrong and someone called you out on your shit.
Serving sizes are bullshit, especially when it comes to tortilla chips. Who the hell stops at 8 tortilla chips?!
Kale > spinach
Muddy buddies > almost anything else in life
Cheese > literally anything else in life
Sometimes, other people are gonna do shitty things to you. That’s okay. Forgive them and move on.
Sometimes, you’re gonna do shitty things to other people. That’s okay. Apologize and move on.
Your mom always knows how to do everything. And even if she doesn’t, she still kind of does. SORCERY!
You can’t get everything from one person or one relationship. That’s why we have significant others AND friends AND family AND the delivery guy from Dominos.
The really bad moods will pass. They’ll also come back eventually. Roll with it.
Bragging and competing only makes you look petty.
Just because you wear a size “large” doesn’t mean you look large. You probably look hot.
Baby doll shirts are really bad if you have huge boobs. Really bad. Unless you’re going for the maternity look, in which case they’re totally perfect.
Choose friends whom you admire. And friends who make you laugh until you just about piss yourself. Or until you actually piss yourself.
Exit out of iMessage on your computer before asking a professor to look over a word document. Because it’s likely (if your friends are anything like mine) that you’ll receive a highly inappropriate text message that’ll pop up on your laptop screen.
Carefully check the “send to” box before you send an angry text/email.
Snapchat is the most delightful timesuck.
Candy bars are very meh.
Frozen candy bars are heaven.
Waking up early enough to see the sunrise is really nice, but staying up late enough to see the sunrise is way better.
Gurls rule boys drool. Just kidding. I drool a lot, mostly when I’m sleeping.
Always have eyedrops and Chapstick and a tampon and a snack on hand. You’ll never want for nothin’.
Things tend work themselves out.
At least 32% of the fun of a vacation is planning it.
People are never as put together as they seem on social media, but they’re usually a whole lot more wonderful and hilarious in person.
You can’t keep in touch with every amazing person you meet. Some people are just meant to be in and out… of your LIFE, you perv.
A “small square of dark chocolate” at the end of the day isn’t a “splurge.” It’s a small square of dark chocolate for fuck’s sake.
Treat others as you’d like to be treated.
Treat yourself as you’d treat your best friend.
Vegetables don’t taste like pasta, even if they’re “spiralized.”
Given the choice of being kind or being right, choose kindness.
It’s really hard to practice what you preach (see above).
Cleanliness is next to SHUT THE HELL UP IT’S MY ROOM AND I’LL CLEAN IT WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT.
Fancy, inky, smooth pens are the best.
Sporks work at adequate spoons and really shitty forks.
Things taste better through a straw.
Things taste better when eaten with chopsticks.
The word “diet” sucks unless it’s followed by the word Snapple. Not sorry.
Geography is hard.
Math is hard.
[Insert #twss joke about hard penises]
Real therapy is great. But snack therapy tastes better.
You do you, boo boo.
“Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.” –Cynthia Nelms
If you’re thinking something nice about someone, say it.
If you’re thinking something shitty about someone, bite your damn tongue. It isn’t worth the hassle.
Travel. All over.
Life is much more manageable after a good night’s sleep.
Do what you love. Love what (and whom…) you do.
The end (for now).
IN THE COMMENTS:
What have you learned? Your favorite life lesson? Add to the list!