Things I’ve Learned

Saying “I’m sorry” is incredibly hard. Even if you do manage to get those two words out, it’s even harder to stop yourself from adding on the “…but you were being an asshole” justification. Fight the urge, friends. Fight it.

The generic brand tastes exactly the same 85% of the time. The other 15% of the time includes Oreos, sugary cereal, and ice cream.   And yes, I’m sort of inadvertently implying that 15% of my diet consists of Oreos, sugary cereal, and ice cream.

Forgiveness is easy when someone else did something wrong. Forgiveness is hard when you did something wrong and someone called you out on your shit.

Serving sizes are bullshit, especially when it comes to tortilla chips. Who the hell stops at 8 tortilla chips?!

Kale > spinach

Muddy buddies > almost anything else in life

Cheese > literally anything else in life

Sometimes, other people are gonna do shitty things to you. That’s okay. Forgive them and move on.

Sometimes, you’re gonna do shitty things to other people. That’s okay. Apologize and move on.

Your mom always knows how to do everything. And even if she doesn’t, she still kind of does. SORCERY!

You can’t get everything from one person or one relationship. That’s why we have significant others AND friends AND family AND the delivery guy from Dominos.

The really bad moods will pass. They’ll also come back eventually. Roll with it.

Bragging and competing only makes you look petty.

Just because you wear a size “large” doesn’t mean you look large. You probably look hot.

Baby doll shirts are really bad if you have huge boobs. Really bad. Unless you’re going for the maternity look, in which case they’re totally perfect.

Choose friends whom you admire.   And friends who make you laugh until you just about piss yourself.  Or until you actually piss yourself.

Exit out of iMessage on your computer before asking a professor to look over a word document. Because it’s likely (if your friends are anything like mine) that you’ll receive a highly inappropriate text message that’ll pop up on your laptop screen.

Carefully check the “send to” box before you send an angry text/email.

Snapchat is the most delightful timesuck.

Candy bars are very meh.

Frozen candy bars are heaven.

Waking up early enough to see the sunrise is really nice, but staying up late enough to see the sunrise is way better.

Gurls rule boys drool. Just kidding. I drool a lot, mostly when I’m sleeping.

Always have eyedrops and Chapstick and a tampon and a snack on hand.  You’ll never want for nothin’.

Things tend work themselves out.

At least 32% of the fun of a vacation is planning it.

People are never as put together as they seem on social media, but they’re usually a whole lot more wonderful and hilarious in person.

You can’t keep in touch with every amazing person you meet. Some people are just meant to be in and out… of your LIFE, you perv.

A “small square of dark chocolate” at the end of the day isn’t a “splurge.” It’s a small square of dark chocolate for fuck’s sake.

Treat others as you’d like to be treated.

Treat yourself as you’d treat your best friend.

Vegetables don’t taste like pasta, even if they’re “spiralized.”

Given the choice of being kind or being right, choose kindness.

It’s really hard to practice what you preach (see above).

Cleanliness is next to SHUT THE HELL UP IT’S MY ROOM AND I’LL CLEAN IT WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT.

Fancy, inky, smooth pens are the best.

Sporks work at adequate spoons and really shitty forks.

Things taste better through a straw.

Things taste better when eaten with chopsticks.

The word “diet” sucks unless it’s followed by the word Snapple.  Not sorry.

Geography is hard.

Math is hard.

[Insert #twss joke about hard penises]

Real therapy is great.  But snack therapy tastes better.

You do you, boo boo.

“Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.” –Cynthia Nelms

If you’re thinking something nice about someone, say it.

If you’re thinking something shitty about someone, bite your damn tongue.  It isn’t worth the hassle.

Travel.  All over.

Life is much more manageable after a good night’s sleep.

Do what you love.  Love what (and whom…) you do.

The end (for now).

IN THE COMMENTS:

What have you learned?  Your favorite life lesson?  Add to the list!

Comments

  1. I can say I’ve learned a lot from reading this :D . In all seriousness though, I’ve had good strong lessons that brought me to believe: people come, people go..life carries on. And my favorite: we will forever have the gift of “eating”. <-one would think I would have concluded that piece of information from my day of birth, buuuut I'm a slow one ;) .

  2. You are one of the only peeps that can get through a blog post with no pictures but banter. Love it. Although spinach > kale unless someone can massage it for me.

    And anyone who claims that vegetables are ‘just like pasta’ are suffering a carb(less) brain. seriously. Let’s not get started on those miracle noodle things. Miracle because people buy them.

  3. This post made me laugh. It made me shake my head. It made me slap my knee. It made me tear up. And I’m pretty sure it made me almost piss myself! You are seriously awesome, woman! God, I couldn’t agree with you more on each and every thing!

    Things I’ve learned:
    1. Vacation hair will always look better than non-vacation hair.
    2. Dessert tastes better when shared.
    3. Frozen pizzas are entirely UNDERrated.
    4. No matter what time of day/night it is, you will always run into someone you know at Walmart.
    5. Don’t spread the bitch…pissy moods are just as contagious as smiles!

  4. Love this. Especially the one about choosing to be kind over being right. I’ve learned that it’s okay to quit things when it’s not a good fit for you, and if doesn’t necessarily mean you failed or it was your fault.

  5. Love it!

    Waking up early enough to see the sunrise is really nice, but staying up late enough to see the sunrise is way better.

  6. I love this Carly – especially the quote about being miserable/happy.

  7. Love and agree to most… There’s no way I’ll ever place kale as being higher than anything — one bad smoothie experience was enough to scar me for life :P And I think one of the biggest things I’ve learned is that keeping off those extra “vanity” pounds isn’t worth the time and effort that it takes to wear jeans that are a size or two smaller.

  8. A-freaking-men.

  9. Makeup is wayyyyyyy overrated. If you need it to go to class or work or just to run to the grocery store, you need to break the habit :)

  10. i love what you learned.. you teach us the same.. and i bite my tongue a lot. LOL!

  11. Amen!

  12. Cookies >> everything else. I agree with cheese. It’s my favorite food.

  13. Vegetables don’t taste like pasta, even if they’re “spiralized.” —>>> dying. So true!!

    I would have to add to the list “Always say I love you.” because you really never know when the other person will be gone.

  14. Love all of this! Although, I will say that the word ‘diet’ is also acceptable when followed by ‘Coke’. Or ‘Dr. Pepper’. I’m cool with my diet pop love…
    Oh, and biiiig disagree on the kale thing. Spinach makes me happy. Kale does not.
    Also, I’ve learned that I will always have room for a bite or two or dessert, no matter how full I am.

  15. Dana @ The Daily Moderation says:

    Love this whole list! Needed that this AM!

  16. Excellent! Great stuff Car!

  17. Love this list! “Treat yourself how you’d treat your best friend” <—awesome advice!

  18. This post should be the new bible or something. You’re so wise, like a miniature Buddha, covered in fur.

    (i had to google how to spell Buddha)

  19. I have been inspired by your ED journey. I’m in recovery for anorexia. I had a binge this morning. Thank you so much for this post. I think I may print it out. These are rules to live by.

  20. This needs to be turned into a book.

  21. this is freaking awesome i agree with everything

  22. Wait, you can access iMessage from a computer?! How does this trickery work?

    Also, I’m gonna have to disagree with you on the kale > spinach point. Spinach is much milder (aka, I can stuff as much of it as I want in a smoothie and still can’t taste it) and has a much easier-to-chew-and-swallow texture than kale. And spinach is cheaper. Therefore, spinach wins.

  23. I just wrote a post like this on my blog! I love the quotes about forgiveness and people doing shitty things to you. Totally my life right now.

    One lesson I’ve learned is to treat my parents better than I treat anyone else, because they love me more than anyone else does. And also that your own happiness is more important than almost anything because life is too short not to be happy.

    P.S. has anyone ever told you that you’re brilliant and incredibly wise?

  24. I had to turn off iMessage as soon as I got my phone because that trickery is crazy. Love this post and you and wish we could meet in real life as I’m not at all put together and would definitely eat kale and real pasta and share multiple desserts with you.

  25. Oh how I love this. Make up is SO overrated and why are moms always right?! I’m still annoyed by that fact.

  26. You CANNOT use regular dish soap in the dishwashing machine.

    Awkward sex sounds happen. Laugh. Always laugh.

    Guy with the right taste in jeans are hard to find, so there is something REALLY hot about a guy who wears his pants well.

    If you find yourself starting a statement with “No offense, BUT…” just stop. Abort mission.

  27. I love reading your posts. Can I get an ‘AMEN” up in this post?!

  28. angelika says:

    “Your mom always knows how to do everything. And even if she doesn’t, she still kind of does. SORCERY!”

    This makes me laugh because my son, who is seven, told his father the other night…”Ask mom. She knows everything. EVERYTHING, dad.”

  29. Heartbreak can be one of the best things to ever happen to you.

  30. LOVE! This is probably one of my favorite posts you’ve ever written and that’s saying a lot considering I love pretty much all of your posts. ;)

  31. Things I’ve Learned: Peanut butter is meant to be eaten straight out of the jar. Life is too short to fold the fitted sheets.
    I love “treat yourself how you’d treat your best friend!” And I love this post, as always

  32. Oh my goodness. Cannot emphasize enough how much I loved this post!! You seriously nailed (haha) every bullet point. I’m sorry I don’t comment more, but I truly love your blog Carly! :)

  33. I just stumbled upon your blog and I LOVE it! I’m adding it to my blogroll. I love your honesty and sense of humor!
    ~Amy :-)

  34. I loved this post. There were too many good ones to comment on (um, like all of them boo, boo) but this one spoke to my for some odd reason: Cheese > literally anything else in life. Maybe because my cheese has started actually talking.

    Things I’ve Learned: Don’t sweat the small stuff; there’s a reason it’s small. People who don’t sweat when they workout must be robots. Robots could be cool, especially if they clean your house. The Jetsons rocked.

  35. Wise words, lady (except spinach > kale in my book). I can’t pick a favorite…

  36. SUCH a great post! I definitely needed a mood-lifter and between the laughing, the nodding and spiling my water on myself because I try to drink while I read, this post totally did it! The one thing I’d add? You never don’t need a hug. Especially if it’s from mama! :)

  37. This cracked me up. Thanks for putting such a candid spin on it. I’m going to start featuring other “boss ladies” occasionally on my own blog and I’d love for you to be involved if you’re interested?

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  2. […] Thinks I’ve Learned via Snack Therapy. Some pretty great life lessons from a pretty great lady. But… [ps]… kale is not better than spinach […]

  3. […] Things I’ve Learned…by Carly JG at Snack Therapy […]

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