You know how people (mostly Beliebers, probably) always say “never say never?” Well I’m doing it. I’m putting on my rebel panties and breaking all the rules. ’Cause why? ’Cause I feel like it, that’s why. ’Cause there are some things, no matter how cool or alluring or fun, that need a “never” in front of them.
1. I’ll never be a sugary-sweet Disney Princess type.
My mouth is too dirty and I’m not a huge fan of woodland critters. Plus, I don’t think Disney Princesses say various forms of “douche bag” on the reg.
2. I’ll never be one of those cool girls who likes football and beer.
The only reason I like football is because it often involves a vat of queso and a box of pizza.
3. I’ll never be super skinny.
But you can bet I’ll rock my Polish birthing hips like no other. And I’m totally gonna survive the next famine, thank you very much.
4. I’ll never understand geography.
5. I’ll never be a hopeless romantic.
To me, romance means Jake not complaining when I start eating his dinner after mine is gone. His always tastes betterrrrrr.
6. I’ll never be a cultured lover of the arts.
Unless watching Step Up 2 counts.
7. I’ll never understand political references.
My pop culture references though? Fuhgeddaboudit. (<< See what I did there?)
8. I’ll never be someone who doesn’t laugh at middle school humor.
Because body part words are funny. VAGINA.
9. I’ll never enjoy watching action movies.
Unless there’s a hot topless man. Or a hot topless woman. Whatever. Anything to wake me up after 1,000 scenes of shit exploding.
10. I’ll never agree with anyone who says that some protein mug cake/pancake/bar/cookie/donut tastes better than the real thing.
It doesn’t. And I don’t want it. Sugar + butter > Protein powder. (<< See? You can’t argue with math.)
11. I’ll never be able to get through an illness or injury without milking all the attention I possibly can.
Fair warning: If I ever complain about an ailment on here, I’m likely fishing for attention. Don’t take my bait. I will reel in the compliment and it ain’t gettin’ thrown back.
12. I’ll never be a fan of PDA.
Because yuck. Don’t touch me, it makes me claustrophobic. Unless you’re a super hot couple (I’m talking Brangelina status, people), elderly and cute, or an awkward middle schooler, PDA should not be allowed.
You totally have my permission to sometimes say never. It’s kind of liberating.
NEVERRRRRRRRRRRR. (<Especially when you say it super dramatically like that.)
IN THE COMMENTS:
Finish this sentence: “I’ll never _______”