Be honest. You’re kind of a gym snob. Seriously, I get it. Don’t feel the need to hide your true feelings. Snack Therapy is a safe space, friends. We can hold hands and sing kumbaya and be our lovely, bitchy, judgey selves. We all have those things that just make us want to rip our eyes out. And by “our eyes” I mean “that guy breathing weirdly heavily on the third treadmill from the left’s eyes.” But, to make life easier, I’ve compiled this list of things that you should and shouldn’t do. So the next time you find yourself wondering if you should drip sweat all over a shared machine and not clean it up, like a dirty ape or something, refer back here for the proper etiquette!
Do bring a towel, you sweaty pig (< that’s my reminder for myself).
Do have a super gossipy, interesting conversation with your BFF on the treadmill. It’s really fun for me to listen. But fair warning, I’ll probably chime in with my opinion. And fair warning #2, my opinion is going to be right.
Do feel free to check yourself out in the mirror. You paid a crap ton of money for those Lulu pants. Gotta make the most out of them. Also, if you’re brave enough, snap a sneaky selfie where you pretend to be all “lol, look at how goofy and sweaty I am! I’m even sticking my tongue out like this, all adorable!”, even though your real angle is “omg check out how tight my buns look, Instagram. LOOK!”
Do check me out as well. It a great confidence boost for me. Seriously. Please do it. I’ll even take a pity glance. Please?
Don’t schvitz all over the machine and then not freaking clean it. Although, if I start barfing (and I might – sweaty machines are nasty), that’s a totally legitimate excuse to skip Spinning, so that’s kind of a silver lining I guess.
Don’t wear those stupid little spanks and a sports bra as your entire outfit. We get it; you’re sexy. But those garments are supposed to be worn under clothing. I know, clothes can be really confusing sometimes and you forget if you little black underwear goes on over or under! Ahh so much to think about! Omg life is so hard!
Or maybe I’m just being a jealous, bitter, sarcastic bitch because my only shorts are of the basketball variety, and all of my sports bras are yellowed and sweat-stained. And honestly, you should wear what makes you feel good. But I probably will give you some serious side eye.
Don’t eat a gas-inducing meal before working out. I know, sometimes you just can’t help it, but you really distract me from my hardcore ellipticallizing when your putrid butt fumes are wafting towards me.
Don’t put your mouth on the water fountain. Are you five years old, sir? If you just can’t resist the urge, there’s this really cool contraption called a bottle. You can get them made out of plastic, aluminum, glass, a whale’s bladder…Anything. Get creative with it. And you can put your germy mouth allll over that sucker.
IN THE COMMENTS:
What are some of your gym dos and don’ts? Also, sorry for the massive amounts of gifs lately. I’ve been slackin’ on the picture thang and they’ve really added to spice to my life.