Hi, this is Carly reporting live from the UC Davis Library. It is currently 7:29pm and as I take a break to survey the scene, I see many shocking occurrences.
Among the masses, there are people sleeping, listening to headphones at incredibly high volumes, eating soup, double fisting Starbucks coffees, moaning in agony, and furrowing brows in frustration. I’ll be back in two hours with an update.
It is now 9:33pm, and the library has hit a stage of pandemonium. Food supplies are dwindling, caffeine stores have been depleted, and motivation is at an all-time low. If conditions don’t change quickly, things are going to get real weird.
Checking in again. It’s 10:20pm, the library occupants have recaffeinated and refueled. They appear to be settling in for long nights. However, my research shows that the time to actual studying ratio is rapidly declining. Students are now spending excessive amounts of time on Youtube. It appears that “study break” periods are becoming longer than “studying” periods.
It’s nearing midnight and the library energy is at an all time low: multiple students are now sleeping at their desks. Whether from an excess amount of studying or caffeine crash, we aren’t sure.
I will end this news report with a warning:
If a UC Davis student accosts you for coffee, Scantrons, or #2 pencils, look down and walk away calmly yet briskly. Report to the authorities immediately.
Try, at all costs, to avoid entering prime study areas. If you must enter one of the danger zones, attempt to blend in by pretending to listen to lecture podcasts on your headphones, quietly repeating intelligent information aloud, and fumbling through stacks of notecards.
For the next week, abstain from Starbucks unless you’re using the drive-thru. If you get between a rabid student and her coffee, it might be the last thing you do.
Good night and stay safe. Carly, out.