A Writer’s Manifesto


Even if it’s shit.  Even if it’s rambly.  Even if it sounds like something your nine-year-old niece could’ve written.

It doesn’t matter what you write with.  Write with a pen or a quill or the blood from a virgin goat.  As long as you’re writing.

Even if you can’t spell for shit, even if you end sentences with prepositions, even if you can’t figure out the difference between an m-dash and an n-dash… Just write.

When the words sit heavy on your heart and churn around in your stomach and cloud your brain, write.  Then, more than ever, you should write.

When no possible combination of words will describe the tremendous pain or happiness or anger you’re feeling, write it out anyway.

Write about yourself.  Write about your dog.  Write about a teenage wizard.

If there’s something really good on TV, write instead.

If your English teachers always said you lacked talent, write to prove them wrong.  Write to build your confidence.  Write to shut up the voices in your head that say you can’t write.

Write love letters.  Write to-do lists.  Write goals.  Write pain.  Write happiness.

Write to your Congressmen.  Write to your mom.  Write to remember.

Write when talking is too hard.

When your hand starts cramping, keep writing.

Share your writing with your family.  Share your writing with your Facebook page.  Share your writing on your blog.  Or share it with no one.

Write in ALL CAPS.  Write in cursive. Write lYk3 tH!$.

Whether you write in English or Spanish or Dothraki, write.

Write because something is beautiful.  Write because something is ugly.

Write when you feel like it.  Write when you don’t feel like it.

When you’re bored and nothing good is on Netflix and nobody is answering your texts, write instead.  Boredom can force your mind to go to really interesting places.

Not everybody in this world is capable of writing.  Write because you’re grateful that you can.

Write a book.  Write an essay.  Write a paragraph.  Write a sentence.  Hell, write a word if that’s all you can get out.

When things are so confusing or weird or frustrating, write about them.  Write until they make sense.

Keep writing because it’s free and it’s freeing.

Keep writing.


Ask Me Anything (Again!)

A while back, I did a Q&A series where you guys asked anonymous questions and I answered them.  Aaaaand it was great because you guys got to be nosy (THE BEST) and I got free blog material.  Win-win.  So what’s say we do it again, huh?

The form is totally anonymous.  I’m a pretty open book so feel free to ask anything, but don’t be disrespectful.

Ready… GO!

CLICK HERE to ask a question!

I can’t wait to see your questions!  I’ll start answering ‘em in a week or two.  Have at it!


Should I answer the questions in a post or in a video?  

Sexy Caramel Feet (and Other Weird Search Terms)

In my blog stats, I can see what people search to get to my blog.  Usually, the search terms are really intuitive.  You know, stuff like “snack therapy” or “snack therapy blog” or “really pretty blonde girl with a great sense of humor and tons of friends who everyone loves.”  Stuff that would so obviously lead people here to Snack Therapy.  But sometimes, people search really weird stuff that somehow leads to my blog.

Check it:

(search terms bolded, my remarks in italics.)

is it awkward for teens to buy thongs” Omg sooo awkward.

sexy caramel feet” I bet this person must’ve been really disappointed by my blog, because my feet are freaking busted.  And they’re more “whole milk” than “caramel” colored. 

images of a raging narcissist”  Yep, you’ve come to the right place.

“love sex suck” Are you saying that love and sex suck?  Or are we talking about a more literal kind of suck? 

“no boyfriend no problem i’m free” Hell yeah you are. Get it.

“do men like boob graze”  Are we talking about when they graze our boobs, or when we graze their boobs?  Because yes to both.  

“girls pit stains”  Please tell me this isn’t a weird sexual fetish thing. 

“pretty girls with pit stains” Okay, this is totally a weird sexual fetish thing, isn’t it?  WHY is my blog attracting so many armpit sweat-obsessed humans?  

“topless or nude woman in cake”  You’re looking for a stripper cake?  Really?  How does a topless woman covered in cake crumbs seem at all appealing?!  Okay… I actually kind of get it.

“don’t try figuring me out”  This sounds like something I would have said circa seventh grade. #misunderstood.  

“girlfriend smelled like mozzarella” Where can I get this perfume?  Eau de mozza? 

“sexy sorry”  Maybe say “I’m sorry” but do it while wearing red lacy lingerie and holding a leather whip? 

“fulfillment in blacksmithing”  Whatever sparks that passion, I guess.

“large tall men lifting small men”  Just… I mean… What?  

“what makes ur boobs hard and be able to stand up”  (1) Small breasts.  (2) A boob job.  (3) A zero-gravity chamber.

“ikea donuts”  I think you mean “Ikeas donut have viable exits because they want you to say in there forever.”

“edamame rankings”  I heard the competition was pretty stiff this year.  

“when a man and woman really like one another and a distance of 6mos has gone by does absence make the heart grow fonder”  When you start asking Google questions that are this complicated, it’s probably time to start couples counseling.

“does milk kefir smell like nacho cheese”  I fucking wish.  Also, if your kefir smells like nacho cheese, throw it away.  Now. 

“can you put brie on pizza”  You can put brie on literally anything and it’ll be amazing.  Especially pizza.

“single jolly rancher”  Single and ready to mingle.

“Manhood therapy”  Sounds like a personal problem.  

“jeans with a low waist are quite popular among young girls”  Wow, you sound really hip on the newest trends!

So. Much. Weird.

The Platinum Rule

You’ve probably heard The Golden Rule before:

Do unto others as you would have done to you.

It’s a good rule.  It’s a classic rule.  It’s our moms’ favorite rule to lecture us with when we’re being assholes.

But today I want to talk about The Golden’s Rule’s lesser-known, much more mysterious cousin, The Platinum Rule.  You probably haven’t heard about this particular rule because I literally just invented it earlier today.

The Platinum Rule:

Allow yourself to be treated the way that you treat others.

Kind of confusing.  Kind of wordy.  Kind of grammatically effed-up.


Oh, yeah.

Let me dissect that grammatical mess of a sentence real quick.

You’re probably a generally good person.  You probably like making other people feel happy.  You probably show love and affection to the amazing people in your life.  You’re probably complimentary of your loved ones’ accomplishments and gentle and kind with their failures.  Basically, I’m assuming that you probably aren’t a psychopath.  Probably.

It feels good to treat others well.  It’s nice when you give a compliment and the receiver responds with a graceful, “thank you.”  It’s great when somebody you care about accepts your help.  It feels good to do unto others in a kind and thoughtful way.  The Golden Rule is actually pretty easy to follow.

But let’s flip this on its head for a quick second.  Why is it so hard to allow others to treat us well?  Why are we so quick to deflect a compliment?  Why do we hate accepting help from a willing friend?  Why is it so hard to let others treat us the way we want to treat them?  Why can’t we accept kindness and love from others?


Because.  Because we don’t think we deserve it.  Because we don’t want to burden others with our issues.  Because we’re dicks to ourselves.  That’s why.

Just remember that you are worth it.  Open yourself up to the love others want to give you.  Think about how you treat others and allow yourself to be treated in an equally as amazing way.


You deserve it.

Thankful for My People

I have so much to be thankful for.  I have a home and food and so many incredible opportunities.  I have clothes and clean water and a Netflix account.  But this year, on the eve of Thanksgiving, I am overwhelmingly thankful for the people in my life.

I am thankful for the people who listen to me bitch and moan.


For the people who try to out-pun me.


For the people who stick by me through the ugly tears.


For the people who bring the popcorn (and wine…) to midnight showings.


For the people who challenge me.


For the people who support me.


For the people who make me laugh.


For the people who just get it.


For the people who let me ask ignorant questions (“how do taxes work again?”).


For the people who let me teach them and, in the process, taught me.


For the people who think it’s endearing when I barge into the men’s bathroom at bars because I have to pee NOW.


For the people who can out-sass me.


For the people who enable me.


For the people who call me out on my bullshit.


For the people who make me so proud.


For the people who trust me.


For the people who love me despite my bad decisions.


For the people who let me be ridiculous.


For the people who love publicly embarrassing me.


For the people who lift me up when I’m down.


For the people who ground me.


For the people who let me borrow pajamas when I stay over because I seem to forget them every single time.


For the people who made work 100x more bearable.

IMG_2408 IMG_1408

For the people who let me be there for them.

securedownload-3 (1)

For the people who inspire me.


For the people who love to celebrate life.


For the people who are patient with me.


For the people who expect nothing in return.


For the people who explore with me.


For the people who are there for the late nights and early mornings.


For the people who stay by my side when shit gets scary.


For the people who brighten my day with a text message.


Thank you for making my life full.  I love you all.

Four Things

I’ve seen this survey floating around lately, so I decided to steal it.

Four Things…

Four names that people call me other than my real name:

  • Car
  • “Tarly” (<< the little boy I nanny for can’t say his “kuh” sounds)
  • Babe (<< Jake)
  • Love bug (<< Dad)

Four jobs I have had:

  • Front desk person at a gym
  • Peer advisor
  • Group fitness instructor
  • Stay-at-home daughter


Four movies I’ve watched more than once:

  • Moulin Rouge
  • Good Will Hunting
  • Bridesmaids
  • This is the End


Four books I’d recommend:

  • The Life List (<< cheesy but cute)
  • The Divergent trilogy (<< I love me a good dystopian YA novel)
  • Sing You Home (<< Jodi Picoult is the shit)
  • 1984 (<< Gotta have one classic on here, right?)


Four places I have lived:

  • Redwood City, CA
  • El Dorado Hills, CA
  • Davis, CA
  • El Dorado Hills, CA… Again.

Four places I have been:

  • Park City, Utah
  • Rome, Italy
  • Tamarindo, Costa Rica
  • Koh Phangan, Thailand


Four places I’d rather be right now:

  • In Matt Bomer’s closet
  • On a plane going somewhere I’ve never been
  • Hogwarts
  • A diamond mine

Four things I don’t eat:

  • Mushrooms (nasty)
  • Eggs (nasty)
  • Sardines (nasty)
  • Fast food chicken nuggets (nasty)

Four of my favorite foods:

  • Nectarines
  • Cheese
  • Soft pretzels with cheese sauce
  • French fries


Four TV shows that I watch:

  • Parks and Recreation
  • Modern Family
  • Gilmore Girls
  • Orange is the New Black


Four things I am looking forward to this year:

  • Getting all of my grad school applications submitted!
  • Thanksgiving and Hanukkah and Christmas
  • Creating (and posting!) some fun recipes
  • Getting my hair done.  It’s getting ridiculously long.

Four things I’m always saying:

  • “Really?!” (<< In an annoyed, disgruntled way)
  • “Are you gonna finish that?” (<< everybody loves dining with me)
  • “Fuck” (<< but only in appropriate situations)
  • “I’ll do it tomorrow” (<< especially in regards to laundry)


What are four things you’re always saying?

What four books would you recommend? 

Eff You, Pinterest (Part 3)

Although I only occasionally pop by Pinterest anymore, I still manage to see enough annoying stuff to structure a blog post around.  So here ya go…10 times Pinterest pissed me off in the past week or so.




Do it for the “holy shit, you’re going to live until you’re 95!”

Do it for the “holy shit, you are so confident!”

Do it for the “holy shit, you’re setting a great example for your children!”

Do it for the “holy shit, I look hot!”

If you’re doing it so other people will think you’re hot, you should probably reevaluate.


Yeah well neither does creating fitspirational Pinterestable pictures, so who the heck are you to talk?


Trust me, it’s gonna be really hard to keep going if you aren’t proud of yourself.  Be proud now.  You deserve it.



Sweat more.  Bitch as much as you damn well please.




I nanny for a 3 year old who regularly eats more than this.  I get that we all have different caloric needs, but I resent the idea that 1200-1500 calories is the norm, especially for an active person.



1 for 3.  Your personality is what makes you sexy AND pretty AND beautiful.  Your body is NOT what makes you sexy.  Your confidence in yourself and in your body is what makes you sexy.


Or if the person on the elliptical next to you in really gassy.  Or if you forgot your headphones.  Or if your knee injury is acting up.


First of all, this isn’t even true. Second, what is the definition of “moderation” here?  A bite?  A bowl?  Third, why would you try to fill your diet with zero-calorie foods?  Your body needs energy.  Calories are energy.  Therefore, your body needs calories.  You’re welcome for the bonus science lesson.


Not true.  A run where you get chased by a chicken is NOT better than no run at all.  Just one example.  And yes, that happened to me once.  No, I don’t want to talk about it.


Okay I get the whole tough love thing, but c’mon!  Why you gotta be like that?  If you ever need a good cuddle when you’re feeling extra lazy, just let me know.  I know a few Craig’s List pages that are great for things like that!



Pinterest Sucks Part 1.  Pinterest Sucks Part 2. *

*I don’t actually hate Pinterest.  I just hate some of the stupid things on Pinterest. 



What is your most hated fitspiration/thinspiration quote?  I really, really hate “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”  Ugh.

5 Ways to Love Your Body

Think back to a good relationship you’ve been in.  It doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship; just think of any really good, healthy, functional relationship with anyone in your life.  Now think about what made it good.  For me, there are a few things that all of my best relationships have in common:

1. Speaking kindly to one another.

2. Accepting the ups and downs.

3. Spending time together.

4. Doing things we both love.

5. Taking care of each other.

It all seems so simple.  It’s such a given.  Of course I would do all of these things for somebody close to me.

Now think about your relationship with your body.  Do you do these things for yourself?  I sure didn’t.

I used to be so mean to myself.  I wrote words like “fat pig” and “disgusting — lose weight!” on my mirror with a whiteboard marker.  The voice in my head was a raging lunatic bitch all the damn time.

I never accepted the normal ebbs and flows that my body and mind went through.  Bottomless pit of hunger days were feared and bloat was akin to a national disaster.

I didn’t want to spend time with myself.  I never undressed in front of a mirror because the sight of my stomach made me want to curl up and cry.  I never allowed myself to just be because that meant spending time with somebody I hated.

I didn’t do things we both loved.  Instead, I forced myself to do things I hated, like run on the treadmill and not eat cake.

And I really, really didn’t take care of myself.  I didn’t feed my body what it needed.  I didn’t have hobbies, unless you consider exercise addiction and shopping for sugar-free Jell-O hobbies.

But how do you get out of that place?  How do you get to a place where you like yourself, love your body, and enjoy spending time with you?

Treat yourself like a person you love. 

Yep.  Treat yourself the same way you’d treat your best friend or your mom or your little sister.

1. Speak kindly to yourself.  This can come in many forms.  You can be really cheesy: “Wow, Carly, you truly are a magical human filled with the power of a thousand hummingbirds.”  You can keep it simple: “You’re a good person, Self.”  It can be sassy: “Oh guuuuurl, you’re rockin’ those jeans today.  Get it.  Work it.  Shake it.  Twerk it.”  It can be in an exaggerated, stereotypical English accent: “‘Ello chap!  You’re looking mighty fine!  Cheerio!”  Whatever.  Just say nice things, even if it feels weird and stupid.  It helps drown out your inner-dickhead.


2. Accept the ups and downs.  Some days you feel amazing, inside and out.  Other days, you feel like fried crap on a stick.  That’s okay.  Roll with it.  Get help if you need it.  Don’t feel like a bad person if you have negative body image days or funky days or PMS-y days or really depressed days.  It all comes with the territory of being a human.


Some days you feel fabulous. Other days you trip and fall into a pile of mud.

3. Spend time with yourself.  Do things alone.  Go see a movie.  Take yourself out to lunch.  Take a bubble bath with Harry Potter (preferably the person, but if that doesn’t work out, the book will probably suffice).  Watch that TV show that nobody else in your family likes.  Go on a walk with dirrrty hip hop playing in your headphones.  Work out.  Go shoe shopping.  Rub lotion on yourself while pretending you’re in a confusingly sexy Aveeno commercial with Jennifer Aniston. Bake.  Paint (your house or your toenails or a picture).  Eat Doritos from the bag while watching The Biggest Loser.  ANYTHING.


Order room service and eat it in bed.

4. Do things that you and your body love.  Don’t force your body to do things that you hate, and vise versa.  I love Taco Bell but my digestive system detests it, so I don’t eat it often.  I hate running, so I don’t make my body endure it.  My body probably likes beet juice, but I think it tastes like dirty blood, so I don’t drink it.  Things that my body and I love?  Dancing.  Bread.  Spinach.  Lazy Sundays.  Swimming.  Cheese.  Lots of water.  Walking.


5. Engage in self-care.  Take time to check in with yourself.  Learn to say “no” to invitations (if you’re as popular as me, you have to get really good at this).  Get enough sleep even if that means skipping out on the gym or brunch or a shower.  Go to the doctor regularly.  Find hobbies that fulfill you.


Try to treat yourself like you would treat somebody you really love.  Even if it’s hard, just fake it ’til you make it.  Even if you really don’t like yourself, stop being such a dick to yourself.  Break the cycle of feeling awful.  Start showing love with your actions and your mindset will follow.

And if all else fails, just slather yourself in Nutella.  There’s no way to hate yourself when you’re covered in Nutella.

Damage Control

I am completely overwhelmed and humbled by the response to the Transformation Tuesday post I shared last week. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read, share, and/or comment respectfully and kindly. Respectful opinions are always appreciated here.

I do want to address a few things, though:

Please, try to refrain from commenting on things that are irrelevant to the point of the post/your comment. I saw a comment on a Facebook post calling me a “chunky girl” with a “pitiful face.” No matter how confident I am with my body nowadays, I’m not unflappable. That shit still stings. It’s not constructive. How does my pitiful face relate to your hatred of my post? It doesn’t create a space where we can engage in a real, honest, interesting discussion. It creates a space where I feel the need to get defensive, which isn’t fun for anybody. I also deleted a handful of comments that “complimented” my appearance either inappropriately or just irrelevantly. Try to remember that I’m a real person with real feelings. If that’s hard to remember or conceptualize, try to think about me pooping. That always helps humanize people. And when you’re done thinking about me, move on to Angelina Jolie, then Judge Judy, then Justin Bieber. Trust me, it’s funny.

I didn’t delete any negative comments other than the ones regarding only my appearance.  That’s amazing.  Thanks for keeping it civil, you guys.

This post wasn’t targeting any one person, but rather a social media trend that annoyed me.

I bought the blue strapless bikini top in Hawaii about three years ago. The brand is 2Bamboo, but I couldn’t find the exact top anywhere online.

Yes, I engage in some of the techniques I mentioned. I take pictures in good lighting in clothes that fit when I’m looking my happiest and healthiest. My point of this post was not to call out people who do these things, but rather to caution social media consumers (all of us) to be wary of this. Don’t compare your post-Thanksgiving dinner, fluorescent lighted self to anybody’s Instagram picture.

My humor style is very dry and sarcastic. I apologize if it came across as mean and hateful. Meanness and hate ain’t cool, so I’m truly sorry if that’s the vibe you got.

I don’t judge people who manipulate Transformation Tuesday pictures, even if they do so knowingly. We all want to feel good, and I’ve been in a place where I felt so awful that I probably would have used the skinny apps had they existed on my flip phone.

That post was meant to be funny and silly. I try (operative word: try) not to take things like this too seriously, because for fuck’s sake, it’s just social media.

Your real transformation – whether it’s external or internal, or resulting from weight loss, an awesome haircut, a What Not to Wear wardrobe makeover, a new outlook on life, whatever – is amazing. Be proud. Flaunt it. Don’t let any person (including me) or any post (including that one) tell you how to feel. You’re cool. You’re motivated. You rock.

Again, thank you all for being such awesome, fun, hilarious, respectful, opinionated, interesting people.  I love having this space where we can chat and debate and laugh.

I’ll be back later this week with a new post, containing 100% fewer stomach-baring pictures than my last post, so if that’s your thing, be sure to check back.

Transformation Tuesday: I’m Calling Bullshit

Transformation Tuesday.  It’s the one day of the week where Instagrammers can unapologetically flaunt their body transformation as an inspirational side-by-side before & after pic, usually with a motivational caption (“If I can do it, anybody can!”) and a staggering number of hashtags (#fitspo #fitspiration #strong #healthy #eatclean #weightlossjourney #ididit #fattofit #progress).  That’s all well and good because being proud of yourself is awesome, but I see a ridiculous number of manipulative Transformation Tuesday posts (I’m not talking about yours, though.  Of course not yours.) that use strategic posing and lighting and various slimming techniques… Well, I’m calling bullshit.

So I did what any good narcissist blogger does.  I took a bunch of pictures of myself under the guise of making an important point: It is SO easy to manipulate a photo.  Don’t believe everything you see on Instagram.

Here are a few ways that people manipulate pictures.  We’re all guilty so try not to get your undies in a bunch.

Every photo was taken within a 24-hour period. Enjoy.

1. Clothes

It’s amazing what a flattering outfit can do.  Check out the difference between too-small shorts vs. the stretched out, haven’t-been-washed-in-five-wears jeans.  Also, the angry before face doesn’t hurt.  Pure sass right there.


I can’t believe I posted this next one on the Internet, so please be nice.  The first bikini just doesn’t fit.  My sultry Victoria’s Secret smolder doesn’t detract from the weird shape this suit has me squished into.  The second bathing suit fits and flatters.  TRANSFORMATION TUESDAY, BITCHES!  Am I InstaFamous yet?!

PicMonkey Collage Back

Okay, onto the clothed before/afters.  Pay no mind to the previous day’s makeup rimming my lower lids.  In the “after” pic, I’m wearing one of those compression tanks that squishes your fat in, so when you take it off your stomach explodes out like a can of Pillsbury biscuits.

There isn’t a huge difference between the front views…


But check out that back view!  The second pic is a hell of a lot smoother.  Transformation Tuesday, my ass (get it?  because this picture is of my ass?).


Oohhh, and let’s talk about pant rise (<< a sentence I never thought I’d say with enthusiasm).  I prefer nice high-waisted bottoms because this isn’t 2001 and low-rise jeans so aren’t the business because who wants to check if your labia is showing every 10 seconds?  But, in the before picture, I have my shorts pulled down so my hips (my largest part) are showing.  In the after picture, the shorts are pulled up to my waist — my smallest part — making me look much slimmer!  For the record, I’m also sucking in like my life depends on it.

PicMonkey Collage3

2. Strategic Posing

Ah, the classic “boob lift.”  Look guys!  My ribs are showing!  I’M AMAZING AND INSPIRATIONAL!

3 Side

3. Posture

I think this one speaks for itself.  STAND UP TALL!  BOOBS OUT!  STOMACH TUCKED!  ASS POPPED!  CHIN…Ugh, this whole standing up thing is fucking exhausting.

PicMonkey CollagePosture

4. Filters

Black & white is always the safest choice.


5. Time of Day

An optimal Transformation Tuesday pic is taken first thing in the morning, pre-breakfast, post-pee.  Duh.  No pictures, but trust me: my morning bod looks vastly different than my 9pm bod.

6. Lighting

Natural lighting is your friend, people.  Or, when in doubt, just turn all the lights off.

There clearly isn’t a size difference between the two pictures, but the before pic screams: jaundice! sick! I’m living in a house with no lights and I’ve probably never been outside ever!  The after picture is more like: health! natural! I like to go hiking in just a sports bra!


Ah yes, another bathroom selfie.  The left pic is pretty regular, but the lack of light in the one on the right totally makes it look like I have ab definition.  Lololol.  That’s a good joke, Dark Bathroom.


7. Angles

Any good Instagrammer knows how to work her angles.  You can angle your phone, your body, or your mirror.  Bonus points for all three!

The first pic was taken in a wall-hanging mirror.  Then I took the mirror off the wall, angled that bitch, and snapped the second pic. I look taller and leaner.  Fuck your long and lean pilates muscles, I have a tilted mirror.


8. Skinny Apps

AKA the Kim Kardashian diet plan.  Yeah, there are actual phone apps that will skinny-fy your photos.  But beware!  They usually leave sneaky clues behind and people figure out that you skinny-apped your pic and they get pissed.

Check it out!  Instant plastic surgery!


You can also transform from a regular civilian to Nikki Minaj with the click of a button.  Check out ma hip:waist ratio.  Hot.

Skinny App2

The point of all of this?  Don’t compare yourself to an Instagram picture.  You really shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone ever, but especially not over social media.  I am not trying to invalidate the hard work that anybody put in for their own transformation.  I just want to remind you to be aware that a lot of the stuff out there in social media land is bullshit.  You’re awesome and you shouldn’t be made to feel inferior.

I also think it’s important to note that these aren’t “good” and “bad” pictures of me.  I look like each of these pictures sometimes (minus those skinny-fied ones).   Sometimes I’m in natural lighting and sometimes I’m under fluorescent bathroom lights.  Sometimes I stand up tall and sometimes my back needs a break from holding my boobs up.  Sometimes I wear clothes that fit and sometimes I try to stuff myself into something from high school for old time’s sake.  Every one of these pictures is me.  And you know what?  I’m happy with the way I look in every one.

(Except maybe that weird bikini one, because that shit is preeeetty rough.)

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