Inner Bitch vs. Inner Narcissist

I can be a real asshole sometimes…

…Rarely to others, sometimes to inanimate objects (cough my computer cough), but pretty often to myself.

I mean, I’m a hell of a lot nicer to myself than I used to be.  I used to be a Super Bitch, like, 90% of the time.  You would’ve cringed to hear the things I said to myself…

Damn, Muffin Top, what’ve you been eating lately?! 

Oh, you did well on that test?  You got lucky. 

Oh, you fucked up that test big time?  IDIOT!

Hands out of the peanut butter jar, fatty. 

 YOU ARE DISGUSTING. 

Your hair is lookin’ hella ratchet today.  Have you been washing it with french fry grease lately?  So becoming… (<< My inner bitch is very sarcastic.  No idea where she gets it.) 

People would like you more if you were skinnier/prettier/more fun.  GET ON IT! 

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It’s easy to let that Inner Bitch take hold.  He or she is one sassy mofo.   We have to be real proactive to shut up that side of us.

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I’ve found that the easiest way to slap the metaphorical duct tape over your Inner Bitch’s mouth is to let your Inner Narcissist take a whack at it…

Dayum gurl, your booty be lookin’ fiiiine today!

Omg Carly, you’re seriously the coolest person ever.  Everything you say is cool.  Everything you do is cool.  I’m gonna start calling you COOLy.  Keep it up.

Great job reading your psychology textbook!  Who cares if you only made it two pages?!  You deserve a break… Go get yourself a snack. (<< My Inner Narcissist is an enabler.  Again, no idea where she gets it.)

You have so many friends and everyone you meet loves you!  GO YOU!

Car, you’re literally a genius.  You constantly amaze me with your vast amounts of knowledge and wisdom.  HOLY SHIT!!!!!  See?  That was me getting amazed right there. 

Okay, so maybe my Inner Narcissist is a bit (totally) out of touch with reality, but she balances out the Inner Bitch.  She helps shut her up and then I’m able to tone Miss Narcissist down a bit.

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Moral of the story?  Say nice things to yourself.  Be kind.  Be outrageous.  Be ridiculous.  Let your Inner Narcissist run free; I promise your rational self will be able to rein her in (<< most days, at least).

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It works for us.

And by “us” I mean my Inner Bitch, my Inner Narcissist, and me.

We’re like one big dysfunctional happy family.

IN THE COMMENTS:

Do you have an Inner Bitch?  What kind of crap does she usually say?  How do you shut her up?

Blogging Lately

Blogging is just the weirdest thing.  It’s kind of like putting your diary out on the Internet for everyone to see, minus the heart-dotted “i”s and scribbles about Avril Lavigne (my role model), Ashton Kutcher (my dream guy), and the bitch from 5th grade (who I actually called a bitch in my diary… I liked testing out swear words in there).

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Lately, I feel like I’ve lost my blogging “spark.”  Due in part to my April goals — move more, sleep more, play more — I’ve had less time for blogging and all that goes along with it.  Less time for writing posts and taking pictures… Less time for reading blogs and responding to comments… Less time to manage Facebook and Twitter and all of the other crazy social media channels.

Less time is one thing, but there’s more…

I also don’t need as much validation lately.  We all know that blogging is a great place to get Internet friends to validate your diet, your exercise regimen, your body, your beauty, your comedic genius.  Lately though, I don’t crave that online validation as much.  I don’t need anybody to tell me that my lifestyle is acceptable.  I don’t need anybody telling me that size 10 jeans and cheese for dinner and choosing Netflix over the gym is okay.  I can do it myself, see?  I mean, I still crave real-life validation, but baby steps, right?

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Another thing: The “HLB” world.  I’ve talked about how crazy Healthy Living Bloggers can be (myself included!) but lately, I’ve been kind of fed up with some of the blogs I used to read, love, and follow.  Some blogs, I just stopped identifying with… So I unfollowed.  Others made me feel judged or wrong or dumb… So I unfollowed.  Some were giving off negative vibes… So I unfollowed.  And a few blogs seemed like big fat lies… So I unfollowed.   Unfollow, unfollow, unfollow.

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Oh, and the blogs that I still read and love?  Haven’t really been commenting on those, either.  Sorry, guys.  Still love you all.  Be back soon.

Lately, blogging has fallen to the bottom (okay, maybe the middle) of my list.  I’ve been spending time with friends.  I’ve been planning for a big summer adventure.  I’ve been soaking up my last classes as an undergrad.  I’ve been sleeping a semi-normal amount and exercising  few times per week.  I’ve been watching Netflix.  I’ve been figuring out what the hell to do with my life (<< through the process of elimination which isn’t super efficient, but still).

Don’t worry; I’ll still be around these parts, but I’ll probably keep it to 3-4 times per week.  It’s working for now.  If you need me, I’m always posting on Instagram, so we can def hang out there.  Also, feel free to send me an email even though I always take my sweet time responding.  I promise, I’ll respond!

So for now, living life > blogging, although I still love this blog and all of you.  If I could, I would put together an epic cheese & wine party and invite you all over.  Just wanted you to know.

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Scenes from the weekend.

IN THE COMMENTS:

How many blogs do you read per week? 

Do you ever feel guilty unfollowing certain blogs?

Favorite/least favorite part about blogs & blogging?

Food Rankings

Linking up with What I Ate Wednesday to do a foodie photo dump, ranking style.  This is the definitive list of my food lately, ranked from least best to best (<< no “worst” because I only eat good food).

10. Apple & Carrots.

Yeah, apples and carrots are good… But c’mon.  It’s a freakin’ apple and some carrots.  Nothing exciting.  Moooving on.

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9. Jack’s Urban Eats Santa Fe Salad.

Sort of a disappointing salad considering it was almost $10.  The chicken in it was pretty good, but overall, kind of bland.  Wanna know what wasn’t bland?  The amazing fries and the amazing-er company that went along with this salad.  But alas, no photos of those.

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8. Cous Cous Salad

I made this when I was sick last week, and I could literally taste NOTHING while I cooked it.  Once my sinuses were cleared up, I actually tasted it.  Eh.  It had whole wheat cous cous, zucchini, chicken, onion, and bruschetta sauce.  It was edible, but the seasonings were weird.

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7. Almonds.

Yeah yeah, almonds are delicious.  But calm down, they’re just salty nuts (<< #twss).

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6. Trail Mix.

A slightly fancier way to eats nuts (<< sounds like the tagline for a dirty service if ya know what I mean).  Chopped up dried peaches, almonds, and sunflower seeds.  YUM.  Chewy & crunchy.

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5. Yogurt Bowls.

Plain 2% Greek yogurt with strawberries, PB, and chia seeds.  GIMMIE GIMMIE.

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4. Whole Wheat Wraps.

Looks lame, tastes like spring.  This flax wrap had edamame hummus and cucumbers.  Simple and perfect.

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3. Chipotle.

Eaten with chips.  Lots of chips.

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2. Zucchini Bowl.

Again, looks so boring, but tasted like heaven.  Sautéed zucchini, edamame hummus, and a whole wheat tortilla.  Somehow these three things made a heavenly combination and I’d like more right now, please and thanks.

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1. Green Smoothies.

OJ, frozen strawbs, frozen banana, and fistfuls of kale.  Throw in some chias if I’m feelin’ particularly sassy.

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IN THE COMMENTS:

Rank three foods you’ve been eating lately. 

What’s your favorite smoothie combo?  I’m always looking for new ones!

Ask Me Anything Answers: Love and Relationships

You guys asked… And now I’m (finally) answering.

How did you and Jake meet?

Our “story” is so far from romantic.  So far.  Like, if romantic was the Earth, our love story would be Pluto.  Or maybe another cosmic mass in some other galaxy.

We met at a mutual friend’s house in high school.  Jake was wearing a white, Ecko Unlimited button up shirt that was embroidered with words like “lust” and “passion.”  Our first kiss was that very same night, and it wasn’t really a “Romeo & Juliet love at first sight” thing, but rather a “teenagers being teenagers” thing.  We ended up both staying the night at the aforementioned mutual friend’s house, while said mutual friend puked out of the window.  #romance #truelove #howimetyourfather

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Do you think you guys will get married?

Who guys?  Us guys?  I’m not exactly sure which of my boyfriends you’re referring to when you say “you guys.”

KIDDING.  Yes, we plan on getting married.  But not anytime in the foreseeable future.  Our friends like their booze, so we can’t really get married until we can afford an open bar.  (<< Kidding again, kind of.)

If you could have sex with one former U.S. president (only one), who would it be?

 I mean, I could be cliché and say JFK… But y’all also know about my weird thing for Bill Clinton… And I wouldn’t say no to a little Barrack lovin’ (<< as long as Michelle was out of the picture, because she could totally beat me up with those guns).

 How often do you and your bf talk to each other? Is it all thru text or do you call?

 We both have all-over-the-place schedules, since I’m in and out of class and work all day, and he has varying work shifts.  We talk on the phone at least once a day, and text back and forth whenever we get the chance.  It works for us.  

Did you have an elementary school/middle school boyfriend? 

Hell yeah I did.  I had a boyfriend in elementary school during my Avril Lavigne phase, and we’d paint each other’s nails black.  In middle school, I had 3 boyfriends and the durations of the relationships ranged from 3 days to 3 months.  So things were pretty serious, you know…

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No boy was immune to my hotness

Do you like being the same height as Jake?

 Hahaha!  Yes, I’m about 5’7” and Jake’s about 5’8”… But I never have to stand on tip toes to lay a smooch on him. 

Worst pick up line you ever got… 

Does an ass grab/boob graze count as a pick up line?  Because that.  That never works. 

Who was your childhood celebrity crush? 

Promise you won’t laugh?…

Luke Wilson…

OMG STOP LAUGHING YOU PROMISED!

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He kind of looks like a mix between Steve Carell and Tom Cruise… Sexual dynamo.

The past three installments…

Random and About Me Answers.     Weight, Diet, & Exercise Answers.      Plans for the Future.

IN THE COMMENTS:

How did you and your significant other meet?

Worst pick up line?

Who was your childhood celebrity crush?

It’s Okay, part 7

These “It’s Okay” installments are all about me helping you feeling good about your life by reassuring you that it’s gonna be okay.  (Translation: These “It’s Okay” installments are all about helping you justify your life by enabling you.)

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…If you pretty much wash your bras once every never.

…If you spend a shit ton of money on groceries, then decide to eat out instead (while your expensive groceries slowly die in the fridge).

…If you count cheese and ice cream as sensible, calcium-packed snacks.

…If you use those sassy little flossers instead of using real grown-up floss.

…If you call flossers “sassy.”

…If you eat with chopsticks whenever possible because they make things taste better.

…If you go commando a whole lot because no underwear equals less laundry.

…If you think vitamins are a hoax because damn those things are freakin’ expensive.

…If you will never ever get on board with the chickpeas in cookies things.  CHICKPEAS DON’T TASTE LIKE COOKIE DOUGH GET OVER IT.

…If you bitch your way through an entire workout.  Whatever gets you through it, you know?

…If you don’t own an iron.

…If 401ks still confuse you.

…If you can’t tell when wine tastes oaky or woodsy or raspberry-y or nutty or like a nice cold shot of vodka.   Oh, wait.  That’s vodka I’m thinking of.

…If you think half the fun of a vacation is planning it.

…If you’ll never ever get over the How I Met Your Mother finale, because that shit was depressing and traumatizing.

…If you think tofu tastes like rubber/mush/an eggy mess.  Barforoni Rex.

…If you ever say “Barforoni Rex.” (<< Actually, this isn’t okay and you should probably stop saying it.)

…If you boycott phone updates.  iPhone shouldn’t dictate your life, no matter how bad it wants to.  Siri needs to get off your jock and get her own life.  Stop letting her control yours.

…If you adopt a general DGAF attitude, because we should all care a little less about what other people think.

It’s Okay 1.  It’s Okay 2.  It’s Okay 3.  It’s Okay 4.  It’s Okay 5.  It’s Okay 6.

IN THE COMMENTS:

Finish this sentence: “It’s okay if…” 

Ask Me Anything Answers: Plans for the Future

Time for the third installment of me answering your random, anonymous questions.

“Future Plans” Answers 

What sorts of jobs/careers are you interested in pursuing after you graduate?

Oh geez.  This is the question of my year/my life.  Honestly, I have no clue what I want to do post-graduation.  For now, I’m hoping to get a full-time job at UC Davis (where I currently go to school) for a year or so; I’m graduating a year early, and I’m not ready to leave all of my friends!  I’m also sort of kind of considering grad school…After a take a year off, of course.

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High school graduation, 3 years ago

What is one habit you want to change?

Do you want my list alphabetically?  Ha!  I have tons of bad habits, but one that I’m working on is falling asleep to TV.  Most nights, I’ll set up my laptop with a TV episode that I’ve already seen and then fall asleep that way.  I’m probably killing my brain cells by sleeping with a computer that close to my head.

Whats your dream job?

Tempurpedic Bed-Tester.

Ben & Jerry’s Quality Control.

Professional Blogger.

Shoe Model. (<< If I get to keep the shoes.)

Stay at Home Girlfriend. 

When do you want to get married?

Not now.  Jake and I both want to have jobs and move in together before we get married.  We’re in no rush to tie the knot.  I have no idea when that will actually be, but hopefully within 5-8 years!

What do you want to do after your degree?

Sleep a shit ton.  Focus on this blog.  Master food photography.  Make homemade ice cream.  Take naps.  Spend time with family.  Celebrate the end of school with friends.  Eat myself into a food coma and fall sleep again.  See Jake more.  (<< Hoping to accomplish all of these within a month post-graduation.)

Oh, you meant long term?  Hahahahahahahaha lol.  My version of “long-term” is “next week.”

P.S. I do have one big post graduation plan, but that’ll be it’s own post in the near future.  

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What are your plans after you graduate? Will you hopefully be able to see Jake more?

Yes, hopefully!  I don’t know if we’ll be any closer since I don’t have a job lined up yet.  But if I don’t get a job, I’ll be able to go see him for extended periods of time.  If I do get a job, hopefully I’ll have enough money to buy plane tickets down to L.A.   Win-win, right?

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Who wouldn’t want to spend more time with that face?!

What are your future career aspirations?

I think I’d love working in academia, hence the graduate school consideration.  I love learning, teaching, and having summers off.  Holla!

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And in case you missed ‘em:

Random and About Me Answers.     Weight, Diet, & Exercise Answers.

IN THE COMMENTS:

What’s the perfect time to get married in your humble (or arrogant) opinion?

What’s your dream job?

April Goals

I’m not a goals person.  I don’t really like setting them because then I psych myself out and sabotage everything and end up elbow deep in a jar of Nutella as I listen to sad music and cry and reflect on my poor life choices.  Not good for my cool girl image, you know?

Usually, my goals look something like:

“Don’t sneeze on anybody this week” (<< P.S. I’m sick again) 

“Don’t fall on your face while walking on flat ground” (<< This happened a couple of weeks ago) 

“Try to make that huge ass bag of frozen mango chunks last more than a day, dammit” (<< Sorry, not happening) 

No matter how minuscule the goals, I still manage to fail at them.  Oops.

But you guys!  Wait!  I’m about to contradict everything I just said about hating goals by setting some goals for April (and the rest of the quarter… And the rest of forever, maybe).

Three goals.  Just three.  I can do three.  It’s like a menage a trois of goals.  Sexy, right?  So sexy.

What were we talking about?

Oh.  Yeah.

1. Play more.

Translation: Do more fun shit.  Go out on school nights.  Like, out out.  As in, out on the town, not just out to Chipotle.  Say “yes” to invitations.  Make plans with people so I don’t spend half of Saturday watching Giada at Home reruns in bed.

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From my L.A. trip last week… Yeah, that’s a water bed.

 

2. Sleep more.

A lot more.  Last quarter, I was averaging about 5-6 hours per night and I spent about a month of the quarter sick.  Coooool.  I’m feeling another cold coming on, so I’m making sleep my friend.  I’m aiming for at least 7-8 hours per night, which I think should be pretty doable… Maybe.

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PTFO on Jake’s couch.

 

3. Move more.

This is my last quarter of having access to free group fitness classes at the university gym, so I’m going to take advantage of them!  I’ll be teaching Pump ‘n’ Sculpt (weightlifting) and Cardio Chisel (bootcamp) this quarter, and my goal is to throw in some Zumba, U-Jam, and cycling classes as well.

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Sunrise cycle = death.

I’ll let y’all know how this whole goal-setting thing works out.

IN THE COMMENTS:

Do you like goals?  Do they motivate you or freak you out?  

What are your goals for April, if you have any? 

Spring 2014 Schedule

Today’s my last first day of undergrad.  Holy shit.  Just for the record, my answer to the question “what are you going to do after graduation?!” is currently TBD.  I have a few summer plans that I can’t wait to share with all of you, but after that?  No freakin’ clue.

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Rockin’ my UC Davis tee and some fierce ‘pit stains

So let’s just focus on what I do know: next quarter’s (super easy) schedule!  After last quarter’s 19 units of classes, and 22 units including an internship, this quarter’s 12 units seems laughable, especially since the classes should be pretty easy.  I’m planning on complaining at least 50% less this quarter.  We’ll see how that one goes.

Classes (12 units).

Communication 101: Communication Theories, 4 units

Psychology 132: Language and Cognition, 4 units

Human Development 141, Field Studies with Children and Adolescents, 4 units (<< basically an internship in a 2nd grade classroom; 6 hours of interning and 2 hours of lecture per week)

Work (16 hours/week).

I’ll be continuing both of my jobs… again.  My job at the peer advising office is about 13 hours per week, and I’ll be teaching 2 classes at the gym, but since we’re expected to be there 15 mins before & after class, that adds up to about 3 (super fun) hours per week.

Schedule.

Monday:

8:30am – 11am > Intern in 2nd grade classroom

1pm – 5pm > Work in the peer advising office

Tuesday:

9am – 10:20am > PSC 132

10:30am – 12pm > Work in the peer advising office

1:40pm – 3pm > CMN 101

5:15pm – 6:15pm > Teach Pump ‘n’ Sculpt

Wednesday:

8:30am – 11am > Intern in 2nd grade classroom

1pm – 5pm > Work in the peer advising office

7:45pm – 8:45pm > Teach Cardio Chisel (bootcamp)

Thursday:

9am – 10:20am > PSC 132

10:30am – 12pm > Work in the peer advising office

1:40pm – 3pm > CMN 101

4:10pm – 6pm > HDE 141 Lecture

Friday:

9am – 9:50am > CMN 101

11am – 12pm > Intern in 2nd grade classroom

1pm – 3pm > Work in the peer advising office

Alright you guys.  Here’s hoping this quarter goes by reallll slow, because then I have to get a real job.  Shit.

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IN THE COMMENTS:

School talk: What was your favorite class you’ve taken?  Favorite subject?  Favorite teacher?  GO! 

Food Lately

Hi.  Let’s talk about food.

Okay, but first let me catch you up on my life.  I finished finals on Friday, I spent Saturday-Tuesday in Los Angeles with Jake, and now I’m back at my parents’ house for the week.  A new quarter starts on Monday so I’m soaking up all of the sleep and good food and laziness that I can.

Good.  We’re all caught up.  Now time to talk food.

And by “talk food” I mean “look at pictures at everything I’ve been stuffing into my gullet as of late.”  Obviously.

French Toast.

Okay.  I’m a French toast convert.  My apartment complex was giving out free breakfast during finals week, so I snagged this monstrosity of deliciousness for free.  Amazing.  Did I mention that it was free?

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Jake’s Homemade Birthday Dinner.

I made Jake chicken nuggets, corn, and green beans for his belated birthday (that boy has a very particular palate).  For the nuggets, I marinated chicken pieces in a buttermilk + ranch seasoning mixture, then breaded them in a panko + parm + ranch seasoning mixture, then pan fried.  The corn mixture had onions, bacon, and green onions, and the green beans were just roasted with salt and pepper.

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Jake’s Sushi Birthday Dinner.

Jake’s mom so kindly paid for our dinner out as Jake’s birthday dinner.  Sushi is his favorite thing ever, so it was a pretty easy choice.  My favorite roll was the “Aloha Roll,” which had tempura shrimp, grilled pineapple, avocado, roasted almonds, and coconut flakes wrapped in soy paper and served with coconut miso sauce.  To die for.  Honestly.

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Cold Stone Ice Cream.

Birthday cake with Oreos and Twix.  Please & thanks.

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Another Sushi Dinner.

While in L.A., we met up with some friends and decided on sushi for dinner again.  I went with the miso caesar salad topped with some chicken.  Eaten with chopsticks, because everything tastes better with chopsticks.

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Soccas with Kale and Raisins.

This was a post-L.A. meal, made by none other than Doug E Fresh (AKA dad).  We used a Giada De Laurentiis recipe, but doubled it because we Polish Goldstein stock are much larger than the petite Italian De Laurentiis family.  Basically, these were chickpea crepes (soccas) stuffed with a veggie mixture (including kale, green beans, celery, shallots, some raisins, pine nuts, and a hearty splash of white wine) and topped with a spiced yogurt sauce.   I highly recommend this one.

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You guys… I’m hungry.

IN THE COMMENTS:

What have y’all been eating lately?

Who’s your favorite Food Network chef?  I love watching Giada cook, but Ina Garten is a close second.  Although, I think Bobby Flay has some of the best recipes!

(P.S. I now have 400+ unread posts in my reader.  I’ll get to them soon/eventually/maybe never.)

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Happy 23rd Birthday, Jake!

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I love you more than words can say.  Can’t wait to see you on Saturday!

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